My Two Friends

My Two Friends

“Emerging leader award? Ha! You were much younger then isn’t it? Gone are those days my old one, gone are those days!” giggled Sumitra as we looked at some old photo albums that afternoon.

Abhi, my husband was off for his business trip as usual. Both my daughters don’t live with us anymore – they are independent, and don’t need looking after! So I was pretty much by myself in our large house. As a matter of fact, over the past several years I have been pretty much by myself here – everyone around me has been busy. When the children were younger, they needed me. So I gave up my career at a young age. I used to be a young engineer. But after my second child, there was no way I could do it all, so I took over the role of the homemaker, mother and wife. For the next few years I was busy looking after the family, but then the girls grew up, and now they don’t need looking after. They find it easier to live by themselves, closer to their workplace, where they can enjoy independently. Today all I get from them is a phone call over the weekends and an occasional post card from wherever they are. My husband is a busy man. He spends his days at his office and travels the world for his work. He is more often at airports than at home. Not that I can complain – he has to do it for all of us! So in a nutshell, here I am - a free, old woman – you could say pretty much useless. 

So in order to entertain myself, I have made a few friends – Sumitra happens to be one of them. Today is my forty ninth birthday. Nobody remembers really. I don’t mind, to be honest. But Sumitra does remember. She has come to wish me and to spend some time with me.

With her grey hair, slightly wrinkled face and large black circles around her eyes Sumitra joins me as I look through old photographs. We are looking at the pictures from my young days – I was 27 years old and my company had recognized me with the “Emerging Leaders award”. I used to be good, how did I end up being so… useless? I am quietly looking at this picture with me and the award, and unknowingly I begin to weep.

“Yes, yes. You got that award. It was nice, but why do you think of it and cry? Forget about all that now. Why are you trying to recollect those memories? Isn’t it better to face your reality – you are never going to be able to get back there and change things. Forget about that award, it means nothing. You are who you are. And let’s face it – you will always be what you are today.”

Sumitra is right, why am I looking back? So what if I received that award, it does not mean anything today. I can do nothing with it. It is totally worthless. I shut the album and push it aside. Let me look at some other pictures.

Here are some from my badminton championship. I used to be a state level winner. Here I have pics from my game when I was still at university. As I begin to smile, with a tear in my eye, Sumitra comes to my rescue.

“What is the point in this? Do you think you’ll ever be able to play that sport now? You are going through menopause! In fact I say you should stop all your outdoor activities. I see that you go for those jogs in the park and then later, you complain of back aches. It is not your age to jog and run my dear! Forget about all this now. You know what? You have to listen to your body – and you have to behave your age, you have to live your age.”

I immediately brush the album aside. I pick up another one – the one with my friends in it. The moments captured with friends – all happy ones. It would make me feel good I think. Here are the pictures of the road trip we took – just the girls. Here’s Pushpa – Pussy, Sarla – Sally, Krishna – Kitty. We were such besties. Look at this one here – after watching that movie at the mall we were treating ourselves to ice cream. Oh and here, we are at Sally’s bachelorette party!
The memories are bringing tears to my eyes, and Sumitra jumps in.

“Look, these are all old days. Who knows where these friends are now, what their stories are and whether they’d even recognize you. You live in your reality, they live in theirs; they have forgotten you. When was the last time any of these so-called besties called you? Do you even remember? No, you don’t. So there you go. Forget about them, as they have forgotten about you!”

Sumitra is right. The girls don’t remember me. I moved abroad years ago and lost touch with them. Then, when I returned back they were all at different places. I do have their phone numbers on a recently created whatsapp group, but none of them is active on that group. I am sure they are all busy. Nobody has the time to connect really. Why am I looking at these pictures and bringing myself pain.

I get up with a sigh to make us some tea. We sip our tea in silence, and then Sumitra has to leave.

“I hope you will be alright my dear” she says as she leaves me with myself.

I am sitting on my favorite, comfortable swinging chair with my eyes shut when young Samy gives me a shout from the open window on my side.

“Hey! What’s up? I know it’s your birthday today. Happy Birthday to you! Can I jump in?” she asks swinging her racket in the air.

Samy is my young friend – a very active girl, full of life. I give her the permission to jump in from the window, and in the next second Samy is sitting right next to me giggling and saying something to herself as she always does.

“So, I just saw depressingly old Sumitra leave you a few minutes ago. Hope she did not pass on her depression to you on your birthday?”

“No, we just saw a few old albums and had tea, that’s all”

“Albums! That is exciting! Show me!”

“No no, forget about it. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Remembering old times can never be a bad idea. I want to see them. Show me”

Samy is leaving me no choice, but to open the albums again.

Here’s the one with the award again.

“Oh! You were recognized as an Emerging Leader! That is brilliant. You are awesome. You know, now I see where your girls get their high potential from. You have made them the leaders they are.” Samy says.

“You are too kind Samy. This is all the past. It does not mean anything for anyone today”

“You are wrong. It means a lot to me! It tells me you are smart and you are a leader. You told me a few weeks back that you had been contacted by an old class mate of yours to see if you’d be willing to be an administrator at that newly founded school in our area. I know you were tempted to say yes, but you said no with the excuse that you had not done something like this for years. Why don’t you go back and say yes? I promise you that you will be just fine. Just do it! You will be doing yourself a favor.”

It is an idea I like – spending time with younger people is something I like to do. May be I should do this after-all.

“Oh and what is this? You were a badminton champ? Why oh why! Why have you been hiding? Your neighbors play at the club every morning! Why don’t you join them?”

“Oh I am too old now. I might break my back”

“Oh Come on! Backs don’t break that easily! All your neighbors are old. Some are older than you are. Yes, they are all men. But there is no reason why a woman cannot join them. There is no such rule at the club. All you need is a bit of warm up, and a bit of practice. Take it slowly, but you’ll be able to do it.”

No harm in trying – I am able to jog, and I do practice yoga from time to time. And I used to play badminton with my girls as they were growing up, so it’s not like I am completely out of touch!  Perhaps if I gave it a shot, I might be able to get back in form. This is encouraging.

“Tell me, who are these lovely ladies with you? These are your buddies from Uni?”

Now Samy is on the album with friends.

“Yes indeed. They used to be my best friends. This is Pushpa, we called her Pussy. She used to be the singer of our group. What a beautiful voice Pussy had. And this is Sarla. We called her Sally – a very intelligent girl. And that is Krishna – Kitty, small in size, but quick as a cat. She’d run like the wind. I spent some of the best days of my life with these girls. But now we are not in touch. I don’t think they’ll remember me.” Again, this is bringing tears to my eyes.

“You remember them, don’t you? So what makes you think they don’t remember you?” says Samy.

“Well we haven’t spoken for ages!”

“Have you tried to call them? You haven’t. And you keep saying you haven’t spoken for ages! I bet you, they too are thinking the same. They probably think, that you have forgotten them because you haven’t spoken for ages! But none thinks of changing this, picking up the phone and making that call.

Don’t you think it will be fun to go on that road trip again? Or go watch a movie and eat an ice cream after?”

Well, I do like the idea of meeting them all, and going on a trip. But is that really possible?

“How could I do that Samy, even if I wanted to?” Am I asking for Samy to help me here?

“Look, give me your phone. You have their numbers. Let me do this for you right now.”

Samy has grabbed my phone. What is she doing now? Oh my goodness, she has dialed Kitty’s number. The phone is ringing and my heart is beating faster!

“Hello, this is Krishna.”

“Hello, um hello Kitty. How are you? Recognize me?”

“Is that Sumitra? Oh Samy! My friend! It has been ages. You cannot imagine how happy I am to speak with you.”

I am unable to control myself. Kitty remembers me. We have a long conversation, but catching up on so many years will not happen in one phone call.

“Let’s meet up Kitty.” I suggest.

“Yes Samy! Let me reach out to Pussy, and you reach out to Sally. Let’s meet up. And hey – let’s do that road trip again.”

A very happy birthday to me – it has been a wonderful day. Conversations with Sumitra and Samy have taken me on an emotional roller coaster ride. So, do I want to be Sumitra, or should I remain Samy forever? The choice is easy – I choose to be Samy. But I know that there will be days when Sumitra will come back to me. Should I shut the door to her face when she knocks the next time?

I think not; I count on her for her wisdom. But I count on the playful, active and young Samy for my happiness. I do need them both.